Images of Us - Part 2

This second article on the way Christian men are perceived will touch upon several areas. We know that perception is sometimes rooted in reality. Let’s aim to make sure none of the men in our lives who profess Christ fall short in these areas. What?! You talkin’ accountability, Dag! Easier said than done, but when is easy synonymous with manhood? Let’s Go!

“God could you please remove the impurities, fat, cholesterol, high sodium content and sugar so that this meal will be pleasing and well fit in your sight…Amen.” – Mr. Isthisyou?

A 1998 study by Purdue University sociologist Kenneth Ferraro concluded that church members were more likely to be overweight than other people. Being a Christian should make a difference in how we take care of temples. However, this is often not the case. I come into contact with many Christian brothers who want to live healthier lifestyles, but as soon as I tell them the sacrifice and discipline it takes to obtain fitness they jokingly reply, “Man, I only live once, I gotta enjoy life.” Exactly, you only live once in this body. Paul said “Physical training profits little, but he didn’t say doesn’t profit at all.

"In many respects, a lot of the Christians, especially the fundamentalists, just have not made the connection yet that you can dig a grave with a fork." - Kenneth Ferraro/Washington Post March 12, 2004

If you notice, the leading cause of death for all men regardless of ethnicity is Heart Disease. Exercise and a healthy diet, particularly for African Americans is one of the best and most effective ways of lowering the chances of developing heart disease (FamilyDoctor.org). There are two critical mistakes we make in regards to physical fitness. The first is not being concerned at all about it and the second is becoming obsessed with it. The human body is a magnificent creation of God, and with the Holy Spirit living inside, how can we not take care of it?

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” - 1 Cor 6:19-20

“For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life, keeping you from the immoral woman, from the smooth tongue of the wayward wife.” - Proverbs 6:23-24

Another image that plagues the man of God is being over sexed adulterers who prey on naive Christian women. Over the years I have noticed that many Christian husbands who sincerely loved their wives still committed adultery, in some cases more than once. After observing this, I wanted to make sure that I didn't fall into the same trap. Over time studying this matter in the Word and through life experiences, I have come to this conclusion. We as Christian husbands must first love God more than our wives, not just a normal relationship with God will suffice. We must develop a personal and amorous relationship with Him. Deuteronomy 10:12-13 better captures what I am saying.....

"What does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and to observe the LORD's commands and decrees…"

Not just believing but knowing that God is omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient has helped me stay focused in His will, but adoring Him with all my heart has developed a type of disciplined lifestyle that I live each day striving not to disappoint Him. And since I do not want to disappoint Him, I MUST love my wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). What’s rooted is that loving God more than my wife increases the likelihood of Ephesians 5:25 truly manifesting and has augmented our bond in marriage. Last but very important, please keep stamped in your mind that “Iron Sharpens Iron, so as one man sharpens another.” It’s imperative that we have someone in our life that will check us when they see us going astray. Make sure the person you pick is strong in this area, if not, both of you will eventually co-sign for each other’s foolishness. Remember it takes friction to sharpen a sword, so please avoid a polishing partner. You will look good on the outside but when the enemy attacks, you'll break on contact! Stay alert to what your flesh desires and react swiftly to avoid sin. To my single brothers in the Lord, many of these methods you can apply to your walk also, especially for my next subject…

Masturbation is not only a defilement of the body/temple but it’s also the trailer to a movie that many men get caught starring in. Masturbation sets our minds on satisfying our sinful desires and often that sets us up for the “fall”.

“…But one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.” – James 1:14

“Live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.” - Galatians 5:16-17

When our sexual desire manifest into reality, we quickly are stunned and instead of fleeing, we succumb to the sin that our heart desires. Masturbation also causes our bodies to respond to self-stimulation, which is self centered. When you are only used to looking out for self, once you get married you will find it very difficult to give your wife what she desires. Not just that, in many cases, you end up sexually burnt out before you make it to the honeymoon. Many men use masturbation as an emotional substitute for their problems: low self-esteem, rejection or depression. Masturbation is the most practiced and least discussed sex act.

“Masturbation cannot be considered as enduring temptation because it is succumbing to lust. We must learn to rely on God and stop thinking that if we masturbate this will keep us from fornicating, even though it is fornication in and of itself (Matt 5:28).” – Quan of the Mad Prophets

A lack of discipline in relationships also damages the man of God’s image. Sad to say, many Christian men lead women into thinking a relationship is bigger than what it really is. If you are not serious brother, why do you do the following?

Call a sister at 2 in the morning (which is an unfriendly hour) just to say you we’re thinking about her.
Being flirtatious and not meaning it (winking, sensual touching, word play, etc.).
Emotional intimacy: Discussion things with her that only her potential husband should. You are not her spiritual psychologist.

Don’t get me wrong men, all the blame can’t fall on us, but let’s be real; we know when we are crossing the line of friendship. Use discernment and compassion. When you feel a relationship is heading in a direction that you had no intention of it going, be a man and speak up, let the sister know the real. That way you won’t damage a potential great friendship. If you don’t know if she’s the one, let her know from the jump and remind her throughout the relationship. If you are still keeping your options open, tell her, stop playing games of the world!

“Frequency builds intimacy” – "Zee" Peregrino-Brimah

I’m fed up with this “It ain’t like we had sex!” mentality. True, you may not have had sex with her physically but you emotionally impregnated her, and when you leave, she has an emotional abortion. You must take her feelings in consideration. But that’s hard to do because as men, we attach differently, often slower emotionally, but when you call a sister 3 to 5 times a day, ask about her aspirations & other emotionally personal things, what and how do you expect her act or think? It’s a lot easier for us to cut off from a relationship than our sisters, always remember the curse. This is one of the ways it manifests.

“To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you." – Genesis 3:16

We also should never let peer pressure or our biological clock be a deciding factor in marrying anyone. Remember it is better to live alone than live with a mistake. Men let’s get it together, we need our sisters and we should treat them as such. You would never hurt your biological sister physically, emotionally or lead her down a road that could possibly damage her for years or maybe her life. If our sisters in Christ can’t trust us, who else can they turn to? We are their head (1Cor 11:3) and we will be held accountable. By being true brothers in Christ to our sisters, we too help them avoid running to the altar just for the sake of an honest, emotionally mature, relationship with a male. Remember, a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised, not played!

There are many things we men do that are a waste of time but I only have time to touch on one. Christian message boards have the potential to be a great asset to the body but many have yet to really live up to their potential. Instead of being a tool used to network believers for “contact” fellowship or strategizing for evangelism, they are instead becoming billboards of impotent topics and discussions. Get up and get out and DO, not type something! I understand that many Christians are disconnected from real fellowship and therefore lack consistent opportunities to discuss some of the heavier subjects they get a chance to on a message board. However, things can get out of balance from a stewardship perspective.

“We got street cats on every corner killin’ wit they heat up, while some Christians sit and type and chillin’ wit they feet up!” - Light Da Flow Minista / Genocide

You know there’s a big problem when a message board turns into instant messenger. Instead of having a productive 20 minute phone conversation, we end up wasting hours replying back and forth to a message board topic. Message boards also have an illusive effect of appearing to have hundreds of opinions, when in actuality there are usually only around 35 to 50 active members/posters. But yet we still continue to waste time debating fruitless points as if the entire world was logged on.

“I have no time for kiddy critics on the internet, my mind on bigger things, like how not to get into debt.” – Corey Red/Street Prophecy II

The bickering, subliminal disses and gossip disguised as prayers have lured many men into flesh mode, wasting 1 or 2 hours of time that should have been used for Kingdom building. Why waste productive hours majoring in the minors just to prove a fruitless point or validate an opinion? Could you imagine if we spent that much time and energy in trying to please God? Instead of having long typed out emotionless discussions, get the persons phone number and call them. Don’t just post that you will pray for the person who is asking for prayer, call them and pray with them and/or for them. We should use message boards to get to know each other personally so that when a problem arises, we will be able to “speak” life into each other, instead of typing it.

A recent study by the Online Publishers Association (OPA) found that men, ages 18-34 spend more time online viewing web pages and chatting online than women. Also, we spend more time online than we do watching television. Has the internet become the new Idiot Box?

"Men spent more time online, logged on more often and accessed more content than women, despite being out-numbered by the female Internet population by more than 5.2 million surfers." - Dawn Brozek/Senior Internet Analyst at NetRatings

The Holy Spirit convicted me a year ago about the time I was wasting surfing and posting on websites. Now, I do not exceed 15 minutes reading or posting on message boards. Usually when someone posts a thread to my attention, I obtain their phone number and call them. A phone conversation is more productive for me, than posting back and forth on a message board. Brothers please do not twist what I am saying; I love visiting message boards like HolyCultureRadio.com, HHHdesign.com and of course The Yuinon.com. Without a doubt message boards can be a powerful tool for the body if used properly. My prayer is that we will become more conscience of the time we spend on them. Log on, log off and link up!

“The harvest is plentiful but too many laborers are online.”

Look up in the sky… It’s a bird, NO! It’s a plane, NO! It’s Meeting Man! Able to set up 10 meetings in one week without getting anything accomplished. Able to turn a discussion that would normally take 20 minutes, into a 2 hour, donut eating, coffee drinking, joke crakin’ meeting. I can go on for days but to keep this short, here’s my top 5 for an effective meeting.

1. Always start and end a meeting with prayer.
2. Don’t hesitate to cancel meetings if they are not necessary or helpful.
3. Try to schedule meetings during the same time block as much as you can.
4. Only invite the persons needed to achieve the purpose of the meeting.
5. Always set a specific duration for the meeting and stick to it. This will expand the energy level and future attendance.

No ministry or business can afford to completely abolish meetings but there is no denying that they must be balance and strategic. There are various ways to do it; how you do it is up to you. Believe it or not, the structure of a meeting has a strong impact on the success of your team and its purpose. Time is one of our greatest assets and to waste it with unnecessary meetings is poor stewardship.

When we as men/leaders/fathers become skilled at the art of time management, maybe then we will see a complete turn around in our communities, churches and homes. The next article in this series will address: The fear of confrontation & accountability, the lack of presence in our communities, mentoring and prayer. I pray that this article has blessed and encouraged all who read it. I pray that we (men) will be able to discern what is most excellent in the sight of God and may be untainted and blameless until the day of Christ. Amen

This series of articles are designed to challenge us to trust God for fruit in the areas we fall short in. So, feel free to share any praise reports. I have one to share regarding financial stewardship. The Lord opened up an opportunity for me to acquire an investment property and I moved on it. And now my property is on the market for sale.