Christians & Confrontation – Grade = F

What images or thoughts come to mind when you think of the scripture in Proverbs 27:17 that talks about “iron sharpening iron?” Do you think of two “butter” knives or two swords? Do you think of dainty, timid motions or intentional, focused striking resulting in sparks flashing? With those questions in mind, now ask yourself, when was the last time you had a difficult, important, discomforting, intelligent, (potentially) heated, biblically based, “discussion” or confrontation (some say “carefrontation”) with another adult Christian? Notice I didn’t say argument. Been a while? Never? Why is that? Recently? How’d it go? Was clarity arrived at? Did restoration, reconciliation, or resolution occur? Were the scriptures the basis of and for the exchange? Did emotions flare up and redirect the dialogue? Did the people involved listen, or just wait (possibly with clinched teeth, arms folded, eyes roaming) for their turn to speak? I know, that’s a lot of questions, but I want you to consider them seriously.

It’s hard to put a number or percentage on the number of times the above occurs but I venture to say that, (spouses excluded – grin) not nearly enough. Most likely what happens is: silence (which actually speaks volumes and leads to broken relationships and roots of bitterness), the issue is “glossed over”, swept under the rug (only to fester until it sparks or exacerbates health issues, or is joined by seven more demons – (Matt. 12:45). Perhaps a flesh-driven tirade to “set the other person straight” occurs, or gossip, slander, or an exaggerated account of events is shared with a “third party” (most likely another Christian who will actually entertain it) so the other can “vent.” Meanwhile, the issue at hand remains unresolved, other people with nothing to do with it are now added to the mix and will likely take sides, and instead of iron sharpening iron and the people involved being better off for having had an opportunity to know each other, interact, disagree, dialogue and grow, distance and estranged relationships continue to multiply, amongst Christians!

I feel like Paul in saying, my brethren, this ought not be so! This article, as cathartic as it is for me, has been discussed for months and as “tardy” as it seems from our vantage point, it will prayerfully provide biblical insight and practical responses and remedies for the numerous “growth opportunities” that we avoid because they come packaged as “conflicts”. On our (continued) journey to maturation in Christ, basically, life happens.

What’s interesting is that from a “traditional evangelical” lens, I’ve seen the courage to engage in “confrontation” summoned and utilized to proselytize, debate other religions and dispel myths about Christianity, (and these are often “foolish arguments” rooted in self-aggrandizement and/or unreceptive hearts, on either side). This same courage becomes conspicuously absent, the words missing, when it’s time to engage our fellow brother or sister in Christ about difficult, even painful personal or body life issues that are potentially hindering the very advancement of God’s Kingdom! Where’s the loquaciousness now? The theological prowess discussed amongst the saints tragically has no practical counterpart for our interpersonal relationships.

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THE CHALLENGE

Below are an assortment of scriptures, just a few, that give us some biblical insight and guidance to the many different kinds of things that may emerge at various points on what I’ll call the “conflict continuum.” These scriptures provide thoughts on: discernment, tactfulness and wisdom in communication, confrontation, correction, repentance, offenses, and being spirit-led to name a few...

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Recently I’ve been thinking about the patriarch of the church, namely Simon Peter. Is it a coincidence that God chose to build His church on a man with some “fight” in Him? Even though we know the “battle is the Lord’s”, let’s keep it real. Peter is the kind of guy today we’d characterize as a ‘dog’ or a brotha with some chutzpah! A “man’s man.” Now although I thoroughly enjoy his epistles and appreciate his growth into the seasoned saint who was able to compose them, if I were I’d honest, I’d say because of his impetuousness and struggle with racism, Peter probably wouldn’t be on my “short list” of Bible heroes (Paul, Daniel, and Joseph would probably trump him on my “short list”) Impetuousness to me is antithetical to manliness or discipline but in Peter’s case, the root of his is what I believe was a warrior spirit that eagerly wanted to manifest itself even though it was untrained and misguided. But hallelujah, Jesus knows all things and saw the “Rock” in him before he saw it in himself and long before it came to be.

God in His providence knew we needed a human example (non-deity), in Peter to whom we could relate, that would remind us of our own tendencies to exhibit zeal without knowledge and show us our unrefined selves. The disciples were quite a motley crew and to me, Peter represents the fact that sometimes you need a brother with some FIGHT in him. Now for those for whom boldness, or fearlessness, is lacking or for whom “fighting” (conflict) is something to avoid, Christ who is both Lamb AND Lion, will grow you to the point where you can GO THERE when you HAVE to, just like He did in His righteous indignation in the temple (Mark 11:16-18). I believe our interpersonal, intra and interministry, (at our local churches, within this “so-called” HHH “movement”, etc.) conflicts are growth opportunities where we learn to get it right. Sadly, this trait appears to be missing and people misunderstand its purpose and run from it instead of harnessing the skills needed to embrace it and properly use it.

As our generation of believers whine and complain about “the church” as if it’s an organism that we are separate from, why do we fail to realize that one of the ways things got so far out of whack was due to leaders going unchecked, ministry leaders having no accountability? Our fear of being perceived as “holier than thou” when we correct someone or ask them to not indulge us with gossip or slander renders us into their own personal garbage heaps to whom they can come whenever they want to “dump”. Consider Galatians 6:1 which reads:

Is the “alternative” to those who are spiritual those who are merely religious. Gasp! Is that why no confrontation is taking place? Instead of the spots and blemishes we need to be removing to hasten our Lord’s return are we actually adding more of them?

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SOLUTIONS

Because of our relationship with Christ, we are called to be agents of reconciliation, and as humans in a broken world, communication is a huge part of that. Satan uses our fear and inefficiency against us. When we shrink back from conflict, not only are we failing to grow, we are hindering our ability to be skillful defenders of the faith we claim we want to see everyone come into and continue to allow the name of God to be blasphemed among the lost as they observe beefing church factions, hip-hop camps, embittered Christians, and broken relationships among saints.

- vessel
Yuinon Local 313

PS. I’m looking forward to hearing the praise reports from what God will do as you trust Him to teach you how to handle and resolve conflict in ways that glorify Him and not our flesh.